i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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