Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
