I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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