Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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