I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
