i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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