Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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