OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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