New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
