went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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