i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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