we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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