According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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