If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize