nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
