I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
