Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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