that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
