I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize