Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm just crazy horny about you
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
