i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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