my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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