Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
