I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
