awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
