hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
