Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
