Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
