I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
