i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
