Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
