it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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