i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
