she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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