While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
