BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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