considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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