and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
