He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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