can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
