i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
