I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize