Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
