If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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