He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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