Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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