oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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