gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
