I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize