I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
