I want to stick my p in your. b.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
