I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
