what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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