blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think your dad took our porno
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
