In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
