That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
