just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize