we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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