i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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