see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Michael Bay diarrhea
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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