so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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