On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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