so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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