1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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