sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
