i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
