Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
