There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
