At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize