I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
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