We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
