he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need a beard to bite.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
