how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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