I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
