i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize