I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
