I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
