If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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