About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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