I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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