Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
