And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
