There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
