i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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