There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
