Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
