He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize