he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
