where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have feelings that need drinking.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
