he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
